huee heee...
whippeee whippeee yay...
la la la...
whippppeeeeyyy yeaaaaaahhhhhh

nothings

I know
I know...

I know I don't have the talent.
I know I don't have the mindset.
The analogy.

I might only have the passion.
The will for the very first moments.

I might be stuck.
Most probably I will.
By the middle of it.
All the way through the end.

I will do it.
Will I?
I have nothing to lose.
But I know I have lost a lot even now.
I don't want to lose anything else.
But I realized I never had anything.
Nothing.
I have lost noting.
I have lost a lot.
A lot of nothings.

Nothings.

do I?
when is it exactly?
when does it all started?
It changes
to the better
or for worse.
It changes.
I have no recollection
of the shattered piece of memory,
the proud feathers of the peacock of reminiscence,
not even the mere image of myself.

when I realize,
I have turned myself,
turned into something,
something .

all my life,
I know I have always been the 8th color of the rainbow,
the unknown strip in the flag of life,
the outcast of the solar system.
I breathe a different air,
and I consume a different nutrition.

But now,
I am 1 day old.
I am oxygenated.
I cry tears.
I like soccer.
I play.
I play together.

do I deserve all this masks?
do I deserve this newly added chapter?
do I deserve to be published?
and be read,
and believed?

I have never fought for it to be so.
I have never forced anyone to.
if it looks like I did.
do I deserve to be hated by those who don't?
I am running forward,
with my head facing backward,
and my eyes patrol around,
trying to catch a sight of some fierce leopards,
who I know will strike me whenever they had a chance to,
I know I'm in a hot seat.
alone in a big empty savannah,
with bushes around me,
waiting to be eaten.

I am not scared,
part of me wants to go back.
to be unaccepted,
to be hiding,
to be the stealthy owl as I used to be.

I am confused,
I am running,
I don't know what for,
but I hope it's worth it.