ah not-so-hidden intention

a night
so dark
its not even a night
a night is an event
where everything is hidden
supposedly
everything is covered by the nocturnal lid
everything is supposed to be waiting
waiting for the morning to come
the dawn of the new, exciting, hopefully powerful and eventful hours,
hours bathed in sunlight
ornamented with colours and noises
i want to dance
too rough
too plain
such a gangster paradistic
pessimistic but hopefully its reality
how it looks like
exactly
unblindfoldedly
i rally
just need
need to express
i want to jump
spread my legs
i want to learn
learn to cry
learn to dress
learn to accept
accept what i am
accept what i can give
eventually satisfy people
let them smile
without being forced
i just
want to
need to
dream of becoming one of them
who can move freely
without the boundaries of stereotypes
without any cuffs from the mass' expectations
im just a person
with some extra hopes
and some extra restrictions
restrictions that i made myself
and i followed
without even thinking
and feel tortured by it
and sighed to my friends
without blaming them
im blaming myself
without taking any of those restrictions away from me
i will be like this forever arent i?
arent i?